We have two wedding milestones this year in our family… First is the beginning of a new marriage as our oldest daughter married a fine Christian man this summer (picture by Kent Boyle). Second, my wife and I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this December. When you see the picture up above of the newlyweds… it is clear to see that they are happy and anticipating God to do great things in and through their marriage.
But let’s be honest… most marriages don’t stay in the honeymoon stage… (except mine of course)… most marriages are exposed to their fair share of trials, changes and challenges. So in this day and age of divorce and irreconcilable differences… how do we keep it together.
It goes back to our expectations… what are some common unrealistic expectations in marriage?
#1) Expecting our Spouses to be just like us. My spouse will like what I like, and feel what I feel. She will be a morning person, she will like to hunt and fish, and when I feel like getting out and cleaning the yard she will too, and when I feel like sitting on the couch watching old John Wayne war movies she will too. When I need to be comforted my spouse will understand that and feel like comforting me. That is exactly like it is right?
#2) Expecting our marriage to never have a problem. No one realistically goes into a marriage expecting it to never have a problem or a disagreement….but we are Christians, we try to live by biblical standards, we will never hurt each others feelings, right? We will always be constructive in our discussions, no one will yell, we will never let the sun go down upon our wrath, we will work it out.
#3) I expected my spouse to know what my needs are and to meet them. The common statement is “Come on, we’re married” you know what I like and what I don’t like…and if you are doing something contrary to that then it is obvious that you don’t love me.
I think it would be helpful to refresh ourselves to the story of Naaman and Elisha in 2 Kings 5:8-12… We see a king who gets very upset that his expectations were not met… even though nobody knew about them but him.
We started with this subject because this is the cause of many problems in a marriage….when we have expectations that are not met, we have disappointment, or hurt feelings, or anger. This is where conflict in a marriage comes from….unrealized expectations. And rather than take all of the things we expect and see if we can get our spouses to live by them…
I think it is necessary for us to look at what God’s expectations for marriage are…and then see how ours (and we) line up with that.
Part 2 will be God’s Expectations in Marriage
