This week, as a society, we experienced an unprecedented announcement by our president that he is in support of homosexuals being afforded the same opportunity to marry as men and women have.

This announcement, while it is not shocking to say the least, does ratchet up the departure of our culture from the truths of the Bible.  As a believer, what is our responsibility?  Just a couple of thoughts….

1) We are Stewards of Truth, not the creators of it.   It would be funny if it was not so tragic, that the world is spending all this time trying to re-define an idea that was not ours to begin with.   God instituted marriage, not us… and God defined marriage as the joining together of a man & a woman.   As believers, our job is to defend and stand for what God has already defined.

Paul called the local church “… the pillar and ground of the truth”..   Every NT church has two primary responsibilities…  defend the truth and advance the truth.   Not try to recreate or re-define it.

2) Light shines its brightest in darkness.   As the culture deteriorates, I am convinced that people are still drawn to Bible truth, when it is mixed with sincerity and compassion.     When in debates about the culture, keep your opinions to a minimum, and promote bible truths.

Why am I against “gay marriage”, because God and my bible are against it.  If I do not stand on that truth, then I can not stand on any truth.

Your comments are always welcome….

Pastor

As we prepare to celebrate our 7th Anniversary of the Tri-State Baptist Church, I am reflecting upon the goodness of God in my life… and it has reminded me of some things that I want to share with you.

#1) The Gospel still works... when I got saved at 31 years old in 1993, I was the last person I would have ever thought God could use as a pastor.

#2) God uses People in your life.…    I am thankful for the people that God put into my life life to help me mature spiritually and to stay on the right course.  I pray I can be the same for someone else.

#3) The encouragement of my wife and daughters made a huge difference in what God could do through my life.  They always had faith in my leadership.

#4) I am thankful that we responded to the call of ministry and the burden to start a church in Thompson, CT… the Lord is building a great group of believers that are making an impact around the world.

#5) I am thankful for what I have learned about prayer.

#6) I have learned that the Christian life is a constant journey of faith… I am thankful that we never stop being challenged to take that next step in our faith in Christ.

#7) I have learned that God has much better plans for us than we have for ourselves, if we follow Him.

#8) There is always hope for the future with God…

I am grateful to the Lord, and to my wife and family and to all those who call me “Pastor” for laboring with me at the Tri-State Baptist Church

Pastor

I am reflecting this morning after experiencing another wonderful weekend in which I sensed the Lord’s working in our church.   We had a wonderful Seniors Fellowship on Saturday, and an amazing Sunday service.

I am trying to choose my words carefully here because no matter how I word this, it will not be sufficient.

Our church is currently experiencing a season in which the hand of God is very visible…   we are seeing fruit from our soul-winning efforts and outreach… we have seen of late people making professions of faith on a weekly basis, we are seeing fruit in the area of growth in numbers, where this past Sunday was jam packed… we are seeing fuit of the surrendered life, as many folks committed to serving in one or more of our ministries… and to all those things I say “Praise the Lord”.

But it is not and was not always this way…  this season that we are enjoying followed another season that was not so enjoyable… in 2011 there were trials, there was much sickness within the church, I preached the funeral of a dear friend, I went through some personal attacks and even sensed despair a time or two at that lack of response to the gospel.

While I personally would rather just be blessed all the time… I have found that the lessons we need to learn are usually learned in the season of trials and not necessarily in the season of blessings.    So when those seasons of trials come upon us, (and they will), let’s look to those seasons with anticipation with what God may teach us.   Let me share with you what God taught me through that season (and is still teaching me)…

Dependence – I cannot minister in my own strength, I must have the power of God on my life….  this requires submission on my part to the Word of God and the promptings of the Spirit of God… now that might sound simple to you and in theory it is, but how often does our agenda overstep God’s desires in our lives.

I must remember this is the Lord’s church and not mine.  No matter how strong I want something, I must depend upon the timing of God, whether that is in a desire to see souls saved, or a building built, or a ministry started.  If it is something God has given you through faith or vision… go at with all the energy you have… but if it is your agenda I must die to it.

Forgiveness – no matter what is said or done, you must always be ready to forgive and to minister to the needs of others… I must remember that God has forgiven me of far more than I have had to forgive others of.   That thought alone brings conviction to me if un-forgiveness tries to creep in.

Faithfulness – We must stay with biblically proven methods knowing that we serve the God of faithfulness, who if we do not faint… we will reap in due season.

In the season of trials you learn that you are mere flesh… so that in the season of harvest, you don’t look out on packed pews and full altars and think that it was you… because you know that it was God.    Thank the Lord for all the seasons we are allowed to go through.

As always, I welcome your comments.

Pastor

If you turn over to Romans 8:29 tells us that we are to be conformed to the image of His Son… and that very idea implies something… it is stating that as we stand right now, we don’t conform to the image of Jesus Christ… and this verse is also stating that God has a plan that will take us from what we are, to what He wants us to be.

Now you might be asking… “how does that change take place in our lives” …. now don’t miss the connection here to verse 28, because it is the “all things” that God uses in our lives that work out for good.. but the Good is that conformity to the image of God.

There are many analogies in the scriptures that God uses to describe our relationship with Him.  And many of them bring certain images to our minds both positive and negative and you can look at them any way you like, but the more you think about them, the analogies become clearer.

In my opinion, there is no greater imagery of our relationship with God than this picture of the potter and the clay.    But some things about clay that we may not have thought of, if the clay is not soft and pliable enough to be molded, they it will not be shaped properly by the potter.   The potter has a goal in mind… it is to take something that has little value, and turn it into something that has great usefulness… but to do this, there is a molding and a shaping and a sculpting that must take place in the life of that believer.

Two thoughts about deciding to be clay…..

#1) Be where you need to be  Jeremiah 18:2-3  Notice the ability of God to shape Jeremiah in this analogy… notice the first 4 words of verse 2…  “Arise, and go down”… and notice the first 4 words of verse 3…  “Then I went down”.

There is a willingness in his life to be instructed… and for many people the ability to be clay stops right here… there is not a willingness to be instructed… there is not a openness to what God might have for them beyond where they are in their spiritual lives.

God here wants to teach something to Jeremiah… this lesson which is going to give Jeremiah a greater understanding of God… will never take place without Jeremiah yielding to the direction and the instruction that God had for him.

Not look at verse 18:2… and notice the word “there”…  this is a very specific place that God wants jeremiah to be.  If jeremiah goes anywhere else right now, God will not give him the instruction that he intends to give him..

I ask this question… “Where does God deal with you”… “Where are you spoken to by God”… and by that I mean where are you being challenged in your spiritual life… where does God take you to that next decisions… where is the Spirit of God speaking to you at… because when you answer that question… that is the THERE for you.

Illustration:  You know, when a potter is starting with a piece of clay on a pottery wheel, they place it on a some type of a knob in the center of the pottery wheel… if for some reason that piece of clay moves and it comes off center, the potter cannot work with that piece of clay, until it is back in the center of where it is supposed to be.

What I have noticed in many peoples lives is that when we are on this potters wheel and it happens to be a painful time… so often we remove ourselves from the place where God can shape and deal with us.. we take ourselves out of that center position and now the potter cannot work in our lives in the same way…

#2) Be what God wants you to be.  18:4 Notice in verse 4 the word “marred”… it has to do with the fact that this vessel wasn’t coming out like the potter determined that it was coming out… so the bible says that He… the potter… made it again.

Let me ask you something… who decided that the vessel, which represents us… was marred… who decided what needed to be changed in your life and in my life… who put us on the wheel of the potter in the first place?  It was the creator… it was the one who has already figured out what He can best do with your life.

It can be painful, it can be a long process at times… but the potter has something in mind.. he wants to use you in a way that you might not be able to imagine right now.

I read a book from a young man who was going through cancer and he said this…

“Clay doesn’t have a will. Clay doesn’t expect, presume, or worry. Clay doesn’t resist or fight. Clay doesn’t have an agenda or a script. Clay has two simple jobs—sit still and stay soft.”

Do you know what I learned about the potter… is that once that clay is on the wheel, he never takes his hands off it.  The whole time this guiding and shaping is going on, the potter is in constant contact with that piece of clay.

Can I remind you of something… when you are on the wheel of the potter… can I challenge you to trust in the character of God rather than the circumstances that you can see.

Can I challenge you to Decide to be Clay… let him mold you… be where God speaks to you, and allow God to shape and mold your life…  and you say… “You don’t know what is going on in my life”… but the God of heaven… the potter, gave us what you and I need to get through life victoriously.

I know that the easiest thing to do is to collapse in your despair… but that is not wht God wants in your life… stay faithful… stay soft… stay on the wheel

Decide to be Clay

Your comments and questions are always welcomed.

Pastor

Today is Valentines Day…. a day that we make and effort to express our love maybe in a way that is more noticeable to those we care for.

As I think about my wife of 27 years, I think of a woman who cares for me unselfishly, loves me in spite of some of my character flaws, and encourages me in areas that she knows I am insecure in.   I could not be more fulfilled or satisfied in my relationship with her.

That very thought brings another emotion, and that is gratitude.  I am thankful that God has changed our lives to be more like the “One Flesh” that scripture says our marriages should be.   Perfect marriage?  That will never be possible with imperfect people, but as we try to apply the truths of God’s Word to our lives… I find that we grow closer together every year.

The love that I think about today for my wife makes me more grateful to God who is working in our lives, and helping us to express our love to each other in a much deeper way.

As we celebrate love… let us not forget the greatest expression of God’s love for us.

(John 15:13)  Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Pastor

In  I Corinthians 14:40…  the Bible tells us that everything must be done decently and in order.  If you notice this passage of scripture… it is very plain what Paul is saying here.   It is in the context of the church service… as a matter of fact, it is in the context of the using of spiritual gifts in the context of a church service…   But this is a general principle….

Let everything be done decently and in order… what exactly does that mean?    As we go forward as a ministry… as we begin new ministries and maintain existing ministries….  you will see that we do our best to take this principle very seriously.

Decently means appropriate or becoming…. It means that what we do should be a reflection of what is true.   In the verses that I mentioned… it is speaking of the Christian living their lives in a way that is appropriate for what they call themselves.  I think we understand this concept of decently… it is a reflection of what is true.

In Order obviously means that there is an organization to it…   or an arrangement to it.  Now I mentioned that this passage is used in the context of the church service… but there are a lot of issues that Paul has addressed already… strife, and service, and marriage, and taking believers to court, and being single…. And the use of spiritual gifts within the church service…

It changes here from how to act… to the resurrection chapter in chapter 15.   So I would not have a problem saying that Paul is using this as a conclusion to all the things that he touched on, and saying that “all things” includes everything he mentioned and all the things that he did not mention.

Illustration:  have you ever told a child to pick up there room… and they start asking about the clothes, and the games and the toys… and you say… pick up everything… that means the things that you may mention specifically, but it also means whatever is out of place.

This verse is the same ideas.    So what does it mean to do things decently and in order as a church.  It means to do things in a way that are appropriate for what we are trying to accomplish.   So what are we trying to accomplish?  We are trying to point people to the Lord Jesus Christ, not only for their salvation, but also so that they can be taught about their faith and rooted in Christ.   That means that If they are unsaved, then it is for salvation….  If they are saved, then it is for edification or to build them up and see them live a victorious Christian life…. Right isn’t that what we are trying to accomplish?

So how do we approach ministry?  Let’s start with what we know to be true… and from that truth let’s look at how it impacts us personally and corporately as a church.

1)  The Premise.  What we do must reflect the character of God.

(1 Peter 1:14)  As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance:  (1 Peter 1:15)  But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;  (1 Peter 1:16)  Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

So the character of God is holiness… that is kind of a no-brainer… but it really is foundational because it means that everything we do, should reflect the holiness of God.  So let that sink in for a moment.  Because sometimes we associate that statement with only the preaching, or with only the music….  But it applies to every aspect of our lives and ministry.

God never sets the standard and then lower it for us….    (Matthew 5:48)  Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

So we must come to the conclusion that …. What we do must reflect the character of God…. and we know that the character of God is Holiness…. Perfection… and that is expressed in another way in the scripture… it is a word that we probably understand better… it is the word Excellence.

We should never approach ministry with a “Is it good enough” attitude… we should always say… “Is it our best”.

Pastor

On January 19, 1776 the Virginia Statute of Religious Liberty was passed…  it took 10 long hard years of lobbying to get this legislation through.   Thomas Jefferson stated that it was the most fiercely contested piece of legislation of his entire political career.    It is this victory that paved the way for the First Amendment to the Constitution guaranteeing freedom of worship.   This legislation was fought for and influenced very heavily through Baptist preachers and Baptist congregations.

Some may not know this, but many states in New England had a church/state relationship  (Massachusetts until 1833, Ct. until 1818) which means that the Congregational church was not only state funded… but following religious rules was mandated…  so if you had a new born baby in your family, you were expected (and mandated) to have that child baptized by the Cong. church, whether you believed that way or not.  (see article on Obadiah Holmes )

The history books say this “But justice compels the admission that Jefferson’s part in the First Amendment was not as great as James Madison, because of the fact that he was in France during that period. Neither were the contributions of either or both as important as was that of the humble people called Baptists. The Baptists preached, petitioned, and suffered persecution. God used these humble people to have religious liberty as a fundamental principle of our society in the two great documents mentioned above.”

When we named our church the Tri-State Baptist Church, it is with pride that we identify with a people who fought for and endured persecution for standing on a biblical principle.  When some choose to drop that name and choose not to identify with not only a doctrinal distinction, but a rich history, I am reminded that if everyone chose to do that, we would still be baptizing babies.

I am thankful for serving with a congregation who is not afraid to declare who we are and what we believe.   As someone said…  ”You will never change anything by adding more of the same”.

Pastor

When counseling parents,  I always suggest that they look at much at “attitudes” as they do “actions” of their children.    That is because our attitude is displaying what is going on in our hearts.

There are many times when actions are right, but attitudes are wrong and I caution parents that if they don’t deal with that attitude that they can almost guarantee a rebellious child.  The Bible says this:

(Luke 6:45)  A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.

Notice the actions reflecting the attitude.   Many times in the New Testament, we are challenged with a standard such as modest dress or holy living or giving to the work of God, and when those ideas are presented, immediately people want to know what the minimum requirement is to meet God’s standard.

Can I suggest to you this morning that the desire that those questions represent is in itself a warning that there may be a heart problem.   When our children were little, we had to give them specific instructions when we left them alone at home.   Now that they are grown, we don’t have to have “the talk” with them because they already understand what is right and wrong (and I thank the Lord for that).

When the Lord tells us to live Holy lives… do we really need someone to define that for us by telling us what is on the approved list and what is not?  We must come to the place in our Christian life where we recognize that our attitudes is really a reflection of what is going on in our lives.  I am thankful that God deals with us like mature believers, and may our attitudes serve as warning lights in our lives.

Pastor

The bible makes it clear that believers and sheep have a lot of characteristics in common… now I know that this is not the most flattering comparison, but I am sorry to say that it is a valid comparison.   Sheep are know to be cowardly, stubborn and really not very smart in terms of doing things that are not good for them.    So while we may not like the comparison, I don’t believe we can argue with it.

To me, the part that I don’t like is the idea that sheep are dumb… but there is no doubt that sheep follow the crowd, even when the crowd is going the wrong way.    So let’s get to the question… am I smarter than the average sheep?

Consider (Psalms 23:2)  He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

The still waters being described here are not the absence of trials in the believers life, it is speaking of sensing a calmness while in the midst of the storm.   There is no doubt that storms are part of every life  (Matthew 7:24-27) the still waters though… are only available to those who willingly follow the Good Shepherd.

Now the test… are you a Smart Sheep? or are you looking for still waters where none can be found?

Pastor

Noah and Mike in "The Promised One" Cantata

The Christmas season has come and gone and as we all prepare for the New Year, it should not be without reflection upon what 2011 has taught us.   In my own life, there have been many lessons from last year and for 2012 I have set some personal goals that God will have to enable me to meet.

But for the sake of brevity, let me just share with you just a couple of thoughts on the impact that our churches musical drama “The Promised One” had on my life.   I felt the picture above (thank you Sara) captured the thoughts that I came away with perfectly.   The scene is the shepherds hearing the message of a Savior from the angel, and it reminded me simply of two thoughts….

1) The simplicity of life…  I was reminded that these shepherds heard the voice of God while living life in a simpler form.   I understand that busyness is part of our society, but as we enter 2012 it should not be planned so that God cannot get our attention or even change our plans.   Ministry and life is about people and relationships,  first with God, and then with other people… this father in this picture is making sure that his son understands the importance of a relationship with God, and keeping priorities straight.   I was challenged in my own life where sometimes even ministry invades our time with God…

2) The passion to serve...  in the play, our shepherds could not wait to tell those who had not heard of a Savior, that God had fulfilled his promise to the world and sent the Messiah.   In the Bible those shepherds were not commanded to go…  but they chose to go because they knew that what they had learned would benefit all who heard.

Within the pages of your Bible are the answers to the most perplexing issues of life.   Everyone today is dealing with something,  it doesn’t matter if it is a marital problem, or a wayward child or a financial problem.  As I look around and I see people seeking solutions to life’s problems everywhere but where the answer is… I am reminded of the passion that the Shepherds had.  They just wanted to tell everyone of what they knew to be true…   Lord, keep that passion alive in us this year.

Pastor

Let’s say someone in your family… lets say Dad slips on the ice and he hurts his back and he has to miss 3 weeks of work.   So for three weeks Dad has to sit there and do not much of anything… well during that time, things still need to happen for that family to function, and the rest of the family will have to pitch in to make it all work…  maybe mom will have to pick up some cleaning work to help make ends meet… maybe the kids will not be able to do some afterschool activities because they just don’t have the money…  someone in the family has to do Dad’s chores, take our the trash that type of thing…  this is normal and it is expected.

At the end of three week, Dad says…  “you know… I like playing video games all day”… “I think I will leave my job and stay home for a while”.  So mom gets a full time job to pay the bills.  Now we move into a dysfunctional and overcompensation.

Instead of confronting the problem of dad refusing to work… mom steps up and starts to fill his role…   And here is the real problem… the better a family overcompensates for the family member who is out of sorts… the less accountable the dysfunctional member has to be for the rest of the family.   If mom gets a job making more than dad did… well then why in the world does he want to go back to work.

Let’s put a different face on this… let’s take a child who is old enough to work, but doesn’t want to… I am not putting an age on this because it happens at a lot of different ages.… so every time they need money, they come to dear old mom and dad looking for a handout.

 Now I am not talking about an emergency or an exception, I am talking about living that way on a regular basis…  let me ask you something, is it the right thing for children to live off their parents on a regular basis?  No, the parents job is to teach them to function in society…    Let’s say they are out of school,  they should be able to support themselves financially… They say to you… but I am only getting 20 hours a week at my job, so they need to go out and get another job.

If you continue to support them, many will say, it is because I love my child… but that is not love, you are teaching them to be irresponsible…

So now this family member can not function in their role just because they don’t want to… and there is no recourse for that.  And if it is not addressed, that family gets stuck in that mode of operating and they get used to the family being dysfunctional.

Let’s say Dad is a workaholic… he is always at the office… and rather than confront that situation… mom take the kids to all the places they need to go… Dad has not seen one ball game all year… and now when the kids have something going on… they don’t even expect dad to be there.   All that pressure is on mom.

Do you see the different ways that this rears its head…

Rest assured… this is not God’s way… this is the worlds way… so what is God’s way.

Galatians 6:1 – when one member of the family becomes irresponsible and they are not going to do what they are supposed to do… how do the other members of the family respond… are they supposed to just pick up the slack for their family members? Or sweep it under the rug and not deal with it.

“restore” means to fix something that is broken…  Notice that verse did not say to pick up the slack for them… or to turn a blind eye… or to endure their disobedience… no… it says  seek them out and restore them.   Not screaming and yelling, but with meekness and in the spirit of love.

If it is not dealt with… it will move from a problem… to a dysfunction.    We move from helping to enabling.   When someone refuses to function in their role, and we don’t address it… we enable them and we empower them to act that way.  we give them permission…. That is what enabling means… it is giving that person permission to be irresponsible.

And you may say.. well if I confront that person, they won’t listen to me…  and many times you have to bring someone else into the mix to confront that person… and that is where this idea falls apart for many, because nobody wants the confrontational part.    But you cannot just stay in a stuck broken position…  But let me show you one more bible example.

2 Thessalonians 3:  the setting is that in this church it is believed that after 1 Thessalonians when Paul was encouraging this church by reminding them of the second coming of Christ… that some of the believers had decided to quit their jobs because they were sure that the Lord was coming back right then… so they quit their jobs and they were waiting around for the Lord’s return.

And this causes some dysfunction in the local assembly.   The people who decided not to work were going from family to family trying get a free meal because they were not working…

So how does Paul say to deal with these folks… does he say, work harder and feed your brothers in Christ… does he say overcompensate for them…  does he say, wait a minute, they are brothers in Christ, you should just take care of them… just take up the slacke.

They need ot be allowed to continue in their dysfunctional behavior and just overcompensate for them… 3:7-11…   Now notice in verse 14-15… Paul says you don’t treat him with kit gloves.. you don’t sugar coat it…  you don’t OK their behavior, you don’t overcompensate…

You tell them the truth… that they are out of order… you let them know that they are not fulfilling your responsibility within the family…  and if they don’t listen you may even have to withdraw fellowship from them.   That is how serious this issue is.

Don’t count them as an enemy, but the lack of fellowship serves as a disciplinary tool that God uses.

When a family members behavior has gotten severely dysfunctional… there is usually a history of tolerating their behavior.   Somewhere along the line, they have been enabled.  Their behavior is not acceptable… but it is excepted.

When wrong behavior is not confronted… the person who is out of order is enabled and empowered to continue in their wrong behavior.

And the illustration we could use are endless… but here is where the rubber meets the road…  that person, and it may be you… needs to be confronted and restored… any other approach will result in overcompensating, enabling and empowering.

Listen, problem within any relationship are common, but within the family they are magnified, because we are a relation based system… and we are interrelational , and interdependent.

 Each person has a responsibility… too many situations today are the result of enabling.  The Lord requires accountability in our roles in our families… many tiems it just needs to be restored.

As always, I welcome your comments or observations

Pastor

We are seeking to answer the question… Helper or Enabler, which one am I? In the last post, we came to 1 conclusion… The Body of Christ and the Family are interrelated and interdependent

That means that each person has a purpose and function and the fulfilling of that purpose/function effects those who are in either the church or the family.

Now, let’s take that principle and apply it to the family because they too are interrelated interdependent parts that make up that family… One family, but many members Ephesians 5 & 6 gives us those responsibilities that we went over already.

If one of those people doesn’t fulfill their role, does it effect the other members of the family? Sure, because it is a relation based system. Because this is a relation based system… it gives us the ability to hurt those around us within that system.

Illustration: If it was my birthday and someone visited the church and they did not say happy birthday to me… that would not hurt my feelings because they are not close to me… they are not part of this system yet… but if my wife failed to acknowledge my birthday… it would hurt me because she is a part of this family… so within the systems… is the ability to be hurt… but also there is the ability and the responsibility to edify or build up.. Can your family encourage you ? Can your church family encourage you? Can you come away from one of those systems and be ready to take on another battle for the day? Sure….

A Family is dysfunctional when someone neglects the responsibilities that they have… and they are allowed to stay in that state of irresponsibility.

Illustration: let’s put some meat on this principle… let’s say we have a family with a three children … the youngest… Johnny is a 5 year old… and he is a brat… I mean just a spoiled brat. When mom and dad tell him to do something he backtalks them… his attitude is awful, and when he doesn’t get his own way, man he throws things and screams and disrespects his parents and his siblings.

The parents don’t discipline the child… in fact, they enable that child to continue being obnoxious by not only allowing him to be that way, but if he yells long and hard enough, they even give in to his wants.

Now what ends up happening, is that this family get stuck in this broken position… he never gets discipline… he never experiences consequences for his actions.. Let me ask you something, does that child’s behavior effect the rest of the family?

Of course, turn to 1 Corinthians 5:6 the setting here is that there was a member of the church (Verse 1), which is a relation based system who was in sin, he was out of order… and Paul says… that the way he is acting, is going to effect the entire family, because we are a relation based system.

So what happens is that one member who is out of line starts to effect the health of the rest of the family. How does that little undisciplined boy effect the family…. Well Dad knows that it is his responsibility to deal with that boy, and he is not, and the Spirit of God will bring conviction to that man… he may stick his nose in the newspaper, but inside he knows that he is not doing his job….

Because that boy acts so poorly, they never go out to a restaurant as a family, and mom can barely take this kid to the grocery store without a scene being made. The boy knows that mom is a pushover (and dad never backs her up ) …

Can I just stop here for a moment… if there is one truth that I could give to families tonight from the scriptures… it would be this… DAD… lead your families . Take the responsibility that God has given to you, and do your best to be faithful to your role… most of the problems in a marriage & family will fall into place if Dad will exercise Godly leadership.

If there is a serious problem with one of the kids, don’t make your wife deal with it… sit that child down and remind them that attitude is not allowed in your home. I am amazed at the parents who let the kid set the mood and the tone of a home.

Back to the undisciplined child… Mom isn’t listened to because all she does is warn and threaten so he doesn’t listen to her at all… and she gets mad and starts yelling and screaming …. The older sister, she can’t stand to even be around this kid, so she never comes out of her room… and the older brother… well if the bratty brother can get away with it, then so can he… and he begins to change.

Do you see how this system is effected by one member who is not doing right. Let’s look at it from another angle… mom is a spender, the family doesn’t have any savings because she spends money… she doesn’t look for bargains, she doesn’t use coupons…. If she wants it she buys it. There are no budgets set up… Dad never confronts her about these spending habits… never cancels the credit cards… never has that discussion, but he knows that the bills are getting harder and harder to pay… so instead of addressing the real problem which is mom’s spending habits… he looks for overtime at the shop… or looks for a second job. And it moves from being a family that is malfunctioning… to a family that is now dysfunctional they have stopped working.. They are actually now breaking things down emotionally, spiritually, and mentally .

Is the family effected… sure, dad sees mom as the problem… the kids never see dad anymore because he is always working… and when dad is home, he and mom just fight about money.

Now that illustration points out two things… first is the allowing of unhealthy behavior to exist to a point where a family becomes dysfunctional…. But the second idea is this idea of overcompensating .

We will finish this up next week.

As always, I welcome your comments and questions.
Pastor

To the believer the Bible says..(Galatians 6:10) As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

So there is no doubt that we should be a “help” to people… But at what point does helping someone turn to enabling wrong behavior. I hope you stay with me here for this 3 part post because this problem is a problem that is rampant in our society.

Many times, when a family… (or a church for that matter) has nothing but strive and problems… we use the word “dysfunctional”… the prefix “dys” means not…. and of course “function” means that it is doing what it is designed to do.

What is interesting is that this word “dysfunctional” implies that there is a proper function… thankfully, we don’t have to guess as to what that function is… it is given to us in the Word of God.

• Ephesians 5:12, 28 Dad loves mom and puts her first before himself.
• Ephesians 5:33 Mom loves dad and respects him.
• Ephesians 6:1-2 The children are obedient and respect their parents.
• Ephesians 6:4 The parents bring up their children to love the Lord.

See also Colossians 3:18-20 for the proper order within a family. This is how God designed the family to fucntion. If you can take those verses and sort of boil them down, the one word that would sum it all up in my mind would be responsibility… within each family… there are responsibilities. And God has designed it that way.

Note of this statement… A Healthy family is a place that builds up and affirms the value of each of the members. That means that in a healthy Christian home… nobody feels like a doormat that everyone else just walks on… nobody feels like they are neglected or under appreciated or that they are being treated as a second class person, nobody feels oppressed or beaten down.

When someone within a family comes to a place where they stop fulfilling their responsibility.. we come to a place where the family is beginning to “malfunction”… and if the other family members allow them to stay in that condition… you start moving to this idea of a dysfunctional family.

Now I want you to understand that we are not talking about bad people here… these can be good people who love the Lord, love each other… but they get stuck in unhealthy patterns or habits and those patterns are allowed to continue… they are not addressed… and that family rather than fulfill the biblical idea of a family, which is to build up and affirm each member, actually begins to do the opposite and they begin to break down its members emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

In other words, your home is not a place where you are encouraged … it is a place where you are discouraged …. It is not a place where you look forward to being… it is a place that sometimes you don’t like being… it is not a place where you are encouraged spiritually … it is a place maybe that tries you spiritually.

All this happens because there is a failure to address the members who have failed to live up their responsibilities…. And for some, it is a perpetuation of what they grew up with. I want you to understand how this works… if you take “you”… and you draw a 4’ circle around yourself… that circle represents your behavior… if I have a 4’ circle and my wife has a 4’ circle, then the closer I get to her in our relationship, the more overlap those circles will have. Your behavior is what you allow yourself to be… and many times that is based on what you have been exposed to… If your mother or father had certain tendencies… chances are you will take some of those with you… so many times your behavior is a mirror of how you were raised… but also your life experiences. And those are true no matter if those are good qualities or bad qualities.

When two people want to get married… I will require pre-marital counseling if I am to be involved in the ceremony… and the reason is that many times in the dating or courting phase… we put our best face on… and we allow that other person to see what we want them to see.

Many times after the marriage, you realize that the person has some baggage in their life… their behavior… who they are when you are close to them is maybe not as attractive as who they were in the dating phase.

Premarital counseling brings some of that to the surface… you talk about things… will your wife work outside the home… whose house will you go to on the holidays… who will handle the money… and you talk about areas of their Christian life, are you on the same page as far as serving the Lord… soul-winning… giving… areas of contention.

And what you find is that many times, what we bring into our families is based on the examples that we had for parents. That might be all you know…. let me ask you something… did your parents do anything that you would not agree with? Sure, and many times, we take some unhealthy things into a family relationship. Consider this illustration…

Illustration: A church and a family is a relationship based system… a system is a group of interdependent (not independent) interrelated parts. No different than the way a McDonalds restaurant… There are order takers… cooks… runners…. Suppliers… deliverers… cashiers… all of those areas are interdependent and interrelated… in other words… they can’t get the job done if they are not all doing their job… and their job is affected by the other people.

If the order taker says… “I don’t feel like taking orders today”… you have a problem within the system and it cannot function. You will not accomplish what a McDonalds us supposed to accomplish if nobody takes the orders. If the cook says… “Yea I know this guy does not want tomatoes on his sandwich, but too bad for him”… who takes the heat for that? The person at the counter when that customer comes back in to complain.

So that is interdependent, and interrelated… I depend on you and you depend on me to get the job accomplished… but how you do the job also effects me. that in interrelated.

Now the church is the same way … it is a system that is interrelated and interdependent, it is a relation based system…1 Corinthians 12:12-14 … how many bodies… how many members? (many)… Paul goes on to talk about different body parts and how if they don’t want to function within their role that the whole body would be effected…

Illustration: what if your foot said… “I don’t want to be a foot anymore…. I want to be a hand”… well can you learn to walk on your hands? Can you learn to eat with your feet? But would the body be effected?

We know the answer to that…A system is a interrelated, interdependent parts… a church is another example of that relation based system… let me ask you something.. if one person gets a bad attitude, does it effect everyone? Absolutely, Because we are a relation based system.

This first point is long, but necessary to understand… we are interdependent and interrelated in all of our closest relationships… home and church. I hope you will read parts 2 & 3 to answer the question of “Helper or Enabler, which one am I”

Now that we have that settled… what do we do when criticism comes.

#1) Decide if there is any truth to it.

It is very possible that we have something in our lives worth criticizing… the important thing is to be able to separate the message from the messenger. I have been criticized by some who clearly have bigger issues in their lives… and the temptation is to write them off as just a person with a negative spirit… when in fact their criticism may be warranted. Many times, if criticized, I will ask someone close to me who loves me enough to tell me the truth (my wife) if something has some validity to it. If it does, then the ball is in my court and I must change and reconcile that relationship. By the way, thank the Lord that He has put people in your life who care enough about you to help you stay on the right path, even though their approach may not be correct… or their intentions honorable, we can still benefit from it.

#2) Realize that some people are just have a critical spirit.

There are times when someone with a critical spirit will voice their criticism publicly, rather than having a biblical approach (going directly to you so that it can be resolved) they enjoy the drama of bringing more people into it and making the conflict larger. The best thing to do is to do nothing… when accused by the Pharisees, Jesus makes a profound statement in Luke 7:35 “but wisdom is justified of all her children”. In other words, those who have something against you will believe anything negative anyway… and those who know you won’t believe it.

#3) Pray for your own attitude.

God may still be at work in the life of your critic, guard your heart towards them that you can have a heart that is available to forgive them and minister to their needs. Peter says this about Jesus…

(1 Peter 2:22) Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:

(1 Peter 2:23) Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

In other words, Jesus knew that God would judiciously and righteously sort it all out. I am thankful that we too can trust in a God who still is in control and still sorts everything out. My responsibility is to make sure that I am as right as I can be before God and man.

Pastor

Now before you close this blog post and say, “That is not for me”, let me explain a few things.

First – Why a Podcast? One of my passions is to make the preaching of the Word of God available to as many as possible at no cost. (Romans 10:17) So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. This helps enable people who are home sick, or invalids, or in an area of the world where fundamental bible preaching is not available. We have had such a great response from the preaching messages on the web-site, that I thought this would be another resource for people to have access to bible instruction

Second – What’s a Podcast? A podcast is a broadcast that can be downloaded to your computer and music player (iPod, phone, etc.) and listened to at your convenience. Podcasts are free and the software to play them is free. They are easy to use, convenient, and give you access to a wealth of content! Podcasting has really changed the way we listen to things, because it gives us the ability to listen to who we want, on our schedule… once it is on your device, you can listen to the podcast “on demand”.

Third – How do you use a Podcast? This podcast is available through Applie’s free software called iTunes. iTunes runs on both Windows and Mac computers, and it can be downloaded for free HERE. Once iTunes is installed, you can search for a podcast in iTunes by the name of the church “Tri-State”…. a link to our podcast is “Link to Tri-State Podcast”. From there, every time a new message is posted to the web site, it will download to your PC or device automatically when iTunes is opened.

We are working on some of the fine-tuning, so if you see a problem, please let me know.

My prayer is that this will be a help to people as we seek to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Pastor

But reality dictates that it is never long for the newer version to come out, or for life to lose its calmness… so does that mean that we are at the mercy of circumstances in order to be content? Well of course not, Paul makes an almost unbelievable statement in Philippians 4:11… he says that he “learned to be content”.

Now I believe that Paul is giving us a glimpse of something that he had to come to terms with in his own mind. Remember in Acts 16:25 when he was in prison in Philippi… he was singing at midnight and the earthquake came, the doors opened, and he was able to lead that jailer to the Lord. He is writing this letter to the church at Philippi from a Roman prison this time… I wonder if he was singing again, maybe with the expectations that an earthquake would soon follow.

When the earthquake did not come, there must have been a sense of disappointment… So how does someone learn contentment.

#1) Focus on the Source of your blessings rather than the Substance

Truth is, if you know the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, you have received “all spiritual blessings in heavenly places” (Eph 1:3). Anything that the Lord gives us in addition to that is by His grace… think about it this way.

If we rejoice in the gift… it will never be enough, or satisfy and that will effect our perspective on things… But if we rejoice in the giver, then we review every blessing as a gift of God’s grace that we don’t deserve . If this is really our attitude… then we see things that come into our lives as above and beyond what God has promised us.

However… here is the problem… in recent years, I have seen many people throwing out the baby of “standards” with the bathwater of what they call “legalism”.

In other words… things that they did not used to allow into their lives because they were unprofitable (it did not build them up spiritually speaking) for them… now are OK.

So let’s sort this out… are there things that a Christian should not do or participate in? All of us (I think) would agree that there are things that should not be in a Christians life…. but how do we decide what they are? Well thankfully, the Word of God has given us all that we need live a life that is an effective witness for the Lord.

But let’s apply the Lord’s standards to this situation…

#1) Grace should be the motivation for Holy living, not an excuse for worldly standards.

(Titus 2:11-12) For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;

Clearly in this text, “Grace” is supposed to teach us something… it does not teach us to live any way we want… but to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord and an effective witness.

So if someone wants to live like that world while they call themselves a believer… that is completely between them and the Lord… but please don’t blame it on “grace”.

#2) Christians are still called to be distinct in this world.

(Romans 12:2) And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

We know that “conformed” means to be “fashioned after, or to be the same pattern”… it means to be a copy… Define this however you like… but you cannot escape the fact that a Christians life should look and be different from those who are non-believers.

Let’s go a little deeper here… we believe in what is called “Individual Soul Liberty”… that means that every person makes their own spiritual decisions and is accountable for their own decisions before God. I may preach some great truth in a message, but I have no ability to “make” someone believe or apply that truth… I think we can all agree on that.

So the only tools that I have are the Word of God… the Spirit of God that brings conviction into someone’s life… and I have the influence of my life.

If I was an angry man, and I was speaking to someone who knows me about overcoming anger in their lives, they would dismiss what I say because they know it is not true in my life. I hope you are still following me…

I challenge those who have forsaken good standards to ask a non-believer what they think should be in a Christians life. Should a Christian be a drinker? smoker? dress immodestly? use cursing language? I believe you will find that an unbeliever has a definite picture of what a Christian should have in their lives.

At this point, you might be saying… “Yea but that is dumb and I can live any way that I want”… and that is true, you can make that choice… but understand that those choices make your life far less of an influence for Christ. If you are saved, that is your sole purpose for existence 1 Cor. 10:31

Let me give you one more and then I am done.

#3) My liberty can still be sin.

In the book of 1 Corinthians 8 there is a great discussion about meat that is being offered to idols, apparently some people thought it was wrong and some thought it was OK… and the question is should we eat it or not?

Paul lays down a principle… in verse 4 Paul comes right out and says that we all know that there is nothing wrong with eating this meat… but in verse 11 & 12 there is a very important principle…

(1 Corinthians 8:11) And through thy knowledge shall the weak brother perish, for whom Christ died? (1 Corinthians 8:12) But when ye sin so against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, ye sin against Christ.

In my bible I have the word “knowledge” circled and the word “sin” in verse 12 circled and a line drawn connecting them…. it is the knowledge that what your doing is “allowed”… but the problem is, that this person was using their knowledge to wound the conscience of a believer (yes a believer).. and at that moment it became sin.

So it is kind of interesting that in this portion of scripture… the weaker brother is the one with the tight standards… the more mature is the one who knew that these things were OK… but the one who did wrong, was the one who used his liberty to be a stumbling block to the weaker believer (Verse 9).

So is it really Grace? Or is it just a way of feeding our flesh and making it sound spiritual?

I welcome any comments you may have…

Pastor

There is no doubt that the door he describes is a door of opportunity to serve the Lord.   I wonder if you recognize the oppotunities that God has already placed in your life to serve Him and to make a difference in someone’s life that has eternal value. Rather than look back on 2011 and say “I should have…” or “I could have…”. Let’s take a moment and see how Paul “Captured Opportunities” in the present.

1) Envision a Plan  1:1-7

If you look in these first 7 verses… there is no doubt in my mind that Paul was a planner… he is speaking here of not only taking up the offering for the church at Jerusalem, but how he is going to get it there, and what his travel plans are once he is done with that.

What I am getting at is that Paul not only had a goal… he wanted to pick up the offering and see it brought to Jerusalem… that was his goal… but he also had a plan in place to accomplish that goal.

Let me ask you something… what would you like to accomplish in the Lord’s work in 2011? What would you like the Lord to do through you?   And there are times that the Word of God stirs us… there are times when we see something or hear of God using someone in some way, and desire that ability…  But let me ask you something else… do you have a plan in place to reach that goal?   Because if you don’t… it is not a goal, it is just a good idea.     And Good ideas very rarely come to fruition without a plan in place.

2) Estimate the adversaries to the Plan  16:9

When you envision something… and you sit down to make a plan… you have to take into account what the adversaries are.      If it is to get involved in a specific ministry… look at what the adversaries are…

Gee if I want to be involved as a SS teacher, then I will have to spend some time during the week for preparation.  If I am going to go out on visitation, that means that I might have to change my schedule around a bit.   And there is a great temptation here to attribute every roadblock that comes along as having Satanic origin.

But let me caution you… we also battle the world… which means its philosophies and ideals… and we also battle the flesh, which is our old nature.

And there are times that we will say… “Oh man I wanted to do that… but Satan put up a roadblock to hinder me”… and that very well may be the case… it also may be that we allowed the flesh to be our roadblock… maybe we didn’t do something just because we just didn’t want to.

We can say… “Satan hindered me” and have it sound more spiritual… or we could be maybe a little more open and say… “I was afraid of it”…  “I started it, but now I feel a little discouraged”….    “I started it, but it is not meeting my expectations”.

I don’t know what the adversaries are for you… but here is what I do know… in this verse… “Is” and “are” are both in the present tense… it means that they are happening at the same time…   there are great opportunities… but there is also opposition to them.  And it may be Satan throwing up roadblocks for you to accomplish something for God… but we need to evaluate this with openness… is it really… or is it just the flesh in control.

So envision… what does God have for you…. Estimate… what are the adversaries to what you want to do…  notice the last one please.

3) Evaluate the Plan Verse 7

If you notice at the end of verse 7 the bible says “If the Lord Permit”… in other words, while Paul had great ideas, and a solid plan in place, and he was on his way to working that plan… he also was not so entrenched in that plan that the Lord could not move him from it.  This is called being sensitive to the Spirit of God.

It is good to be constantly evaluating, ask yourself… “Is God leading me in this plan”… be careful of selfish desires and ambition.   Ambitions ends with the glory of mankind… God’s leading brings glory to God.
I pray that the Lord help you to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in 2011.

Pastor

This year…. 2011 put some LIFE back into your Life.

1) Honestly evaluate
This is a process that many people avoid because it reveals things that we don’t really want to deal with. If you were to right down in one column the things that are “deeply important” to you… (Example: God, spouse, family, work, hobby, friends)…. whatever they are for you.

Now in another column, make a list of where you actually spend your time… and here is where the disconnect and disappointment usually comes in. Because many times, what we say is important to us, is not reflected in where we are investing our lives.

It raises the question… what direction should I be heading… when all those things mentioned above that are “deeply important” are calling our name… how do we choose what is “good” and what is “best”… I am glad you asked…

2) Define your God Given Roles
If you have placed your faith in Christ as your personal Savior, you are a Christian… that is a God given Role. In my life I am a Christian, Husband, Father, Preacher, Pastor, etc.

For you that list may be different… it may include your hobbies or goals… just make sure they are God given… in other words, something that keeps you out of the house many nights a week while your marriage is crumbling and your kids have gone wild probably is not God-given.

This process of defining what is God given allows us to filter the decisions of life through the filter of our priorities. If someone asks me to coach soccer, it may hurt some other role that I have… or if my kids play soccer, it may be a help. This is where you need to ask the Lord for wisdom and clarity.

3) Schedule your priorities
Do those God-given roles come with expectations? If one of your roles is that of a spouse… does that mean that you may actually need to spend time together? What about your role as a Christian, does the Lord expect His children to be faithful? serve Him? spend time with him (Abide)? Are we planning those things into our schedule.

If your God given role is that of a grandparent… do you allow for time to be a Godly influence on your grandchildren… I think you get the picture.

4) Be Committed to your priorities
Don’t let the “Best” things in your life fall victim to the “good” things. James 4:14 says that life is a “vapor”… as we look at our “baby” graduating and going to college next year, we are well aware of that truth.

Spend some time honestly evaluating… if there is a disconect between where you want to go in your life, and the road that you are on… make some changes, or you will continue to live with a sense of defeat, and a lack of purpose.

Pastor

Self-Made – this person already has their own agenda, they make their own plans and set their own course and while God has a role in their lives, and they will profess that the Lord is their personal Savior… very rarely will the Word of God be allowed to impact them at a level of change.

In other words, the self made man may be in church every time the doors are open, they may look great to the congregation, they may be nice, and moral and “good people” to be around… but rest assured their heart is hard.

The message could be on soul-winning, or serving the Lord or the need to be faithful and the self-made person may nod in agreement, but no changes in their life is made.

God-made – This is what I see in Matthews life… a sense of humility that is open and knows that within ourselves we can be heading in the wrong direction. Matthew knows that where he is investing his life is not the best path for him, and the Lord calls him to a new direction. The God-made person yields to the prompting of the Holy Spirit… A few words that sum up a “God-made” person…. humble, yielding, Spirit led, tenderhearted… you get the idea.

Now the hard part…. which one are you? To be honest, I can think of times in my life when I fit into either category… times when God was leading me… and times when I am heading in my own direction not too concerned what the promptings of God are.

My purpose for this posting is to get you to recognize which one you are… if it is self-made…. The Lord has a better direction for you, if you will yield to Him.

Pastor

To that I say… I was not born in a Baptist family, nor raised in a Baptist church… I am a Baptist by conviction and choice.

This will not be an exhaustive post, but short and to the point.

1) I am a Baptist Because it identifies me with what the Bible teaches.

In the scriptures, the word “Christian” was sufficient to describe what a person believed. It identified a body of believers with a specific set of doctrines that they adhered to. Today, things are not that simple… we all know that anyone today who has even heard the name of Jesus Christ declares themselves to be “Christians”. Frankly, many of those belief systems are far removed from what the Bible teaches.

When a church calls themselves a “Bible” church or a non-denominational church, you don’t know what you are getting as far as what they believe… in our area, I can think of several churches that are non-denominational churches, where a false gospel is preached and taught.

My desire would be to stick to bible words and call ourselves a “Christian” church, but in our society… that does not declare the whole story any more.

2) I am a Baptist because it identifies me with a proud past.

We must keep in mind that denominations are man made, but in this great country that we live in, there is one group who stood for Bible truth and religious liberty more than any others, and that is the Baptist.

Check your history books and you will see that the first amendment to the Constitution was the result of the Virginia Baptists.

When the original New England Colonies were church/state relationships, the Baptists identified themselves with the Bible doctrine of individual soul liberty, and fought and were persecuted for the right to worship God as they saw fit in the Scriptures.

I am not ashamed to be a Baptist, as a matter of fact, I think the name lets people know where we stand and they don’t have to wonder what we really believe. I would be more concerned for those who are afraid to declare who they really are for fear of turning people off.

I welcome comments or questions.
Pastor

We have been preaching and teaching on the family in our church for several weeks now, and there is probably no more humbling experience than having your wife and family in the front row as you preach on the biblical role of a husband… I am thankful that the Lord remind me of this great truth of being an Earthen Vessel

(2 Corinthians 4:7) But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

Here is what I notices about being an Earthen Vessel…

A) They are never perfect .
We went to Old Sturbridge Village a couple of years ago and watched a potter who would take a piece of clay, and as you stood there talking with him, he would make a pot. When he was done, he would put the pot on the shelf with all the other pots that were waiting to be baked… The one thing that stood out to me was the variety of the pots… even though they were the same type of pot… they were all imperfect in some way… something was not perfectly round, or a flat edge on the rim was not perfectly flat. Whatever the case may be…

When Paul uses this expression, it is with the purpose of reminding us that there are no “perfect people”, everyone has short comings… that is why the glory should never go to man but to God.

Something else I noticed

B) The pot can always be changed.
When this man was dissatisfied with what had been created… he could change it.

(Jeremiah 18:4) And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.

I am so thankful that the Word of God can change us from what we are, to what we need to be… as we allow Him to change us.

Pastor

Sometimes people think that because you are in the ministry that you don’t experience “the real world”. I assure you that we and our children do.

Here is what I attribute to Strengthening our Relationships, and this will be the subject of our preaching series for the next month.

#1) Consciousness – This is the most difficult part, identifying where the problems are. Many relationships get cold, and cold starts to become the normal and is accepted as such. Don’t settle for less than God’s best in your marriage or friendships… there must be and honest and ongoing evaluation of your relationship.

#2) Companionship – there is not a relationship in the world that will survive if two people are going in different directions. You must work to find common ground in finding ways to spend time together as you realize that relationships are not just about “you” as a person as much as it is about “you” as a team.

#3) Communication – Sorry men, but grunts and noises don’t cut it for a relationship that needs to be strengthened. Open, honest communication is a must… this also will be dependent upon how honest you are with each other… and how well we handle honesty from our spouse or friend.

#4) Commitment – “giving up” should not be an option… no relationship grows on its own, it must be nurtured… and the problems worked through.

Here is the good news… no matter what problems are in your relationships, they can be worked through as you allow the Spirit of God to work through you… so it is not hopeless… but hopeful… That is why the Bible is so relevant to our lives.

We will be uploading all the sermons from this series…. I hope they are a help to you.

(2 Timothy 2:15) Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

Let me give you some suggestions.

PC Software – you would be hard pressed to beat E-sword which is available for a free download at www.e-sword.net. It contains dictionaries and several commentaries and makes for easy search and word study features…

If you are more on the mobile side…

PocketSword – for the iPad, iPod and iPhone is a great free application that is very similar to the functionality of e-sword… again a great study help with lots of dictionaries and commentaries to help study with.

Warren Wiersbe – The Bible Exposition Commentary… if you are going to spend money for a commentary series, this is a great series (6 volumes in all) available at www.CBD.com for about $100.00. Wiersbe is very good at giving you a big picture view of everything that is going on surrounding the passage. As with any author, you must use discernment, although I do not find much in his books that I would not agree with.

I hope that helps, if you have any questions, please feel free to email me.

(Philippians 1:3) I thank my God upon every remembrance of you,

And I thought to myself… What made Paul remember those people in such a favorable way… (and what does my Pastor think when I am remembered)… the text gives us 3 reasons why the Christians were remembered with thanks and joy by Paul.

#1) They participated – verse 5 uses the word “fellowship”, it means to partner or participate. When God gives vision (not ambition) to a pastor, it becomes a burden to him, and it is a burden that can only be realized as the people join with the pastor to accomplish it. I remember when we first moved here and started the church, my help consisted of my wife and two daughters and they did a great job and worked very hard with me, but when those first people showed up to help us get some things accomplished, it was tremendously encouraging, because I then realized that people were sharing in the burden that the Lord had placed in my heart….

#2) They were Growing - Seeing people grow spiritually has to be the most rewarding aspect of the ministry… verse 1:5 indicates that Paul could see God doing things in their lives.. (how else could Paul know that God had begun a work in them…see verse 7 also). When someone steps up to the plate to teach or to usher, join the choir or help in a SS class or minister in some other way, it is an outward sign of God working in their lives. Anytime someone is able to put the needs of others before their own (with the right spirit), they are showing the characteristics of Christ…

#3) They were Faithful - Verse 1:7 tells us that these believers in Philippi were there with Paul through thick and thin… when something was going on they were there… when Paul needed support they were there. When I stand in the pulpit, my mind thinks of two things… thank the Lord for those who came… and I wonder what is happening to those who are not here. That last part instantly turns to a burden, you immediately want to make sure that something has not happened to them physically or spiritually. I am so thankful that the Lord has brought many faithful people to Tri-State Baptist Church. There is not a person that I know who would accept the fact that their car worked “most” of the time… or the refrigerator kept things cold “most” days. We expect faithfulness out of the things that we use and rely on… Does God expect less?

In a day where the word “commitment” is looked at with reluctance, that is exactly the characteristic that brought joy and thanks when Paul remembered the Christians at Philippi.

So here is the big question… When your name comes up on the Pastor’s prayer list… how does he remember you?

Making a difference in Thompson Ct., Pastor Berard

I have talked with several parents who allow their children unfiltered and unmonitored access to internet and e-mail and have yet to see it work out well for that spiritual well being of that child.

So let’s apply a few bible principles to this.

1) Training up a child involves restraint. Proverbs 22:6

That expression “train up” in proverbs means to “narrow by discipline”… we would never take our children to the center of New York City and let them go wherever they want to, because we understand the danger involved in that. Do we really think that we can open up children to texting, online video games, unfiltered internet browsing and other things without some restraint?

If you allow your children the privledges (not rights) of internet access or texting… put some limits on it… tell that child that you expect them to be responsible… and here comes the training part… CHECK ON THEM! Look at their phone… check their internet browsing history… some may say this is intrusive… but will you let your kids talk and be influenced by anyone? Or do you have limits?

3) Mary was concerned about the Eternal Things….Martha the Earthly things.
Notice this expression at the end of verse 42. When the meal is done, and the dishes are cleaned and all the decorations are put away…what will be remembered. What do you remember about last year?

I remember last year we had our Christmas musical drama…I remember last year we went caroling at the nursing home. But I could not tell you what we had for dinner at the fellowship or what we ate after the nursing home…but I remember the interaction with the people.

Notice the Lord’s rebuke of her in verse 41…that word careful means “anxious” Doesn’t the scripture tell us in Philippians 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

Not only that, but the anxiety was causing her to be troubled, disturbed, in a bad mood. Let me ask you something…this Christmas…all the things that you have invested your time and money in…are they strictly earthly things? Or do they have eternal value. The answer to that question determines if we are having a Mary Christmas or not. In the book of Revelation, we are given the insight into a church that has taken the Martha approach to ministry.

(Revelation 2:2) I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars:
(Revelation 2:3) And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name’s sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted.
(Revelation 2:4) Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.

Let’s remind someone that this season is all about a Virgin who gave birth to a child called Emmanuel which means “God with us”…

Turn with me please to Luke 1:76…here Zacharias is speaking prophetically…first about his son John the Baptist…then about the message that John will bring…his ministry…

My prayer for your family and mine is that we will not only have a Merry Christmas…a holiday that is full of joy and happiness….but also a Mary Christmas…a Holiday that is focused on the person of Christ.

2) Mary was devoted to the person….Martha was distracted by the process.

To the point where she “CAME TO” which means to burst in…she bursts into the room and accuses the very guest that she is working to express her love to of not having concern for her. What is Martha’s focus…is it on Christ….no it distracted to the “Stuff” that is going on around it. What she is doing right now is no longer about the Savior… it is about herself. … Her ministry has become a burden…

Jesus led them then to the top of a mountain and commanded that the stones be made bread. Each disciple, by this time tired and hungry, was allowed to eat the bread he held in his hand, but of course Peter’s was not sufficient to satisfy his hunger. John gave him some of his.

Many times we will spend time for the Savior and not with the Savior. How do you know which one is you….let me ask you something. And may the Spirit of God do its’ work…When you went out to do your shopping did you see only hordes of people in the stores, or did you notice the expressions on some of their faces because they are as sheep without a shepherd.

If you have gone this season without passing out a tract, or speaking to someone about the Lord or inviting someone…then you are distracted by the process of Christmas and you have missed the devotion to the Person.
You are cumbered about much serving…you are having a Martha Christmas…and the person of Christ becomes secondary to the process of Christmas…and the whole thing becomes a burden.

Remember Martha is not a bad person or a person who does not have faith…or a person who does not love the Lord….she is a person who is distracted…that is her sin….and we will see it in just a moment.

I have been reading the Christmas story during part of my devotions, and the most amazing thing to me is found in Matthew 2….when Herod inquired of the Chief priests and scribes… these men, knew the prophecy…they knew that Jesus would be born 5 miles from where they sat. but they missed it…because they were caught up in the process and not devoted to the person.

If you search online about stress during the holidays… you will find articles on “Managing Stress”… “Tips for surviving the Holidays”…. Fox news had an article regarding “7 ways to Avoid Holiday Stress induced Acid Reflux”. And it doesn’t take long to realize that people view the Christmas season as having the more stressed attached to it than any other season.

And I can understand financial concerns… but there are the cards to send out, and the decorations to put up, and the things to do and the get-togethers, and the family that you may not get along with but you have to see during the holidays.

Have you ever been in a position around this time of the year, when you will just be glad when it is all over. The cards and the decorations and the presents and the shopping, and the wrapping and the money that is spent and the visits that have to be made…and “man I will be glad when this is all done”.

If that is you…and I have to admit, there have been years when that is me….but if that is you this year…you are not having a “Mary” Christmas, you are having a “Martha” Christmas.

So what is the difference…1) Mary was balanced….Martha was Busy. 10:39-40a
Some would have the impression that Jesus and the disciples showed up and Mary immediately went to the feet of Jesus and Martha was stuck doing all the work, and of course the thought is….well if Martha doesn’t do it then how is it going to get done.

But the solution to this thinking is found in that little word “ALSO”. It means that Mary was helping Martha and doing her part, and then when the Jesus began speaking, Mary sat down…and right here is the key…Martha allowed herself to be “Cumbered”… The word means as I mentioned distracted…it means that as you go to do one thing, two more things come to your mind to be done, and as you go to do those two things 5 more things come to your attention….you have seen the people that I am speaking of…they are always busy… it is a feeling that they are comfortable with. They are workers, they are comfortable working…but at times it is to the exclusion of the most important things….Christmas is about people…not events.

A Mary Christmas puts her emphasis on the Lord….Notice the difference….Martha welcomes Jesus into her home…Mary welcomes Jesus into her heart.

Has your emphasis this year been on the Lord? Do your Christmas cards emphasize Santa, or Christ…What about your decorations…What about in your gift giving. I know that so and so needs a new tie or a new sweater, but do they also need their own bible? What I am suggesting is that we not compartmentalize the holiday into the religious side and the holiday side.

What does it profit you to live your life for Jesus all year long just to follow the world at Christmas? And we do the same things and get caught up in the same mindset. Part 2 next week. May we use every opportunity to focus on Christ this Christmas.

(Genesis 2:24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

God has three expectations for a human marriage relationship…

#1)  Leaving, mom and dad…  this is not forsaking them, nor dishonoring them… it is a restructuring in the relationship….our daughter just got married in July, we can still give input into her decisions, but she no longer is under our authority, her greatest concern now is not what do mom/dad think, but what does her husband think.

There are husbands and wives who may live thousands of miles away from their parents, but have never left them.   As a married person, your primary ministry is to your spouse.

#2) Cleaving – this word means to “be stuck together like glue, to adhere one to another”.    This has to do with permanency, too many today decide rather than work it out, they will just give it up.    That is never a permanent solution… do you realize that statistically, 50% of 1st marriages end in divorce, 60% of 2nd marriages, and it gets worse from there.       But I find that in many marriages, especially those that have been married for a while, the relationship has not separated, but has become a test of endurance.     The spouces will not separate, but they never achieve God’s purpose, which is “becoming one flesh”

#3) Becoming One Flesh so we may leave, we may even stay together (cleave) with the attitude that we are going to stick it out…  But for many we never take it to God’s fullest expectations which is to become one flesh. And that is where God’s best waits for us.

Because becoming one flesh involves Intimacy – and achieving intimacy involves work.    Consider these three components to intimacy.

a) Fellowship which is sharing what the Lord is doing in your lives.

b) Companionship – which is not being afraid to spend time together, the implication of this word is two people who are traveling in the same direction…

c) Friendship – your spouse has to be someone you consider your best friend….think about the way we treat our best friend, there is concern for them, there is interest in their lives, there is compassion, there is taking care of them….all of these are rolled up into friendship.

That last part…where God’s best waits for us happens by Communication this is the vehicle that takes us to becoming one flesh.

We have two wedding milestones this year in our family…  First is the beginning of a new marriage as our oldest daughter married a fine Christian man this summer (picture by Kent Boyle).  Second, my wife and I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this December.   When you see the picture up above of the newlyweds… it is clear to see that they are happy and anticipating God to do great things in and through their marriage.

But let’s be honest… most marriages don’t stay in the honeymoon stage…  (except mine of course)…  most marriages are exposed to their fair share of trials, changes and challenges.   So in this day and age of divorce and irreconcilable differences… how do we keep it together.

It goes back to our expectations…  what are some common unrealistic expectations in marriage?

#1) Expecting our Spouses to be just like us. My spouse will like what I like, and feel what I feel.  She will be a morning person, she will like to hunt and fish,  and when I feel like getting out and cleaning the yard she will too, and when I feel like sitting on the couch watching old John Wayne war movies she will too.  When I need to be comforted my spouse will understand that and feel like comforting me.   That is exactly like it is right?

#2) Expecting our marriage to never have a problem. No one realistically goes into a marriage expecting it to never have a problem or a disagreement….but we are Christians, we try to live by biblical standards,  we will never hurt each others feelings, right? We will always be constructive in our discussions, no one will yell, we will never let the sun go down upon our wrath, we will work it out.

But how we overcome the problems and trials of life have everything to do with perspective. Both of these pictures are of the same flower (Thanks Danielle)… one of them is from an earthly perspective and it appears larger than life.  The other is from a more heavenly perspective, and it looks very manageable. Can I suggest to you this morning that when the circumstances of life look like more than you canhandle… see which perspective you are looking at them from.

Earthly perspectives make problems and trials look overwhelming because we are trying to figure out how we will handle them. A Heavenly perspective includes the Lord’s ability to change the circumstances… or to give us the ability to go through them as we put our trust and faith in the Lord.

So it really is all about perspective !! (Hebrews 12:2) “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;…”

There is no doubt that God’s Word can have a probing effect on us… we see in Psalm 19 that God has designed it that way. I believe the struggle comes in when God’s Word points out something that we don’t necessarily want to change.

Sometimes it is a habit, or an emotion, or a way of approaching things that we have just grown comfortable with… and even though God’s Word says that what we are doing is wrong… we are content with NOT changing in that area.

My prayer in my own life and for your life is that we can pray “Search me Oh God”… knowing that there are no areas of our lives that are “off limits” to God.

The very next command is to pray for laborers….   but I believe that the key to this passage is found in the “compassion” that Jesus Christ experienced.  It is from this compassion… this desire not just to pity or to feel bad for… it is a compassion that compels us to action.   I believe that type of compassion only comes when two things take place.

1.  Being with the multitudes. There is no substitute for being with the multitudes…   because of the pace of the society we live in, this is the easiest thing to dismiss as being “impossible” for us….  our schedules are already jam packed.  It is this very thing, that when neglected, allows us to continue on in our lives… thankful to God for what He has done in our lives, but without concern for those who yet  grope for answers in life.   Notice that the compassion that the Lord displays is a result of being with the multitudes and seeing them for what they really are going through.      So compassion comes first from being with the multitudes… but also

2.  When we live unselfishly. If you look at John 4:35 where Jesus makes a similar statement… he tells the disciples to “lift up your eyes”.  It is when we take our eyes off ourselves and look at the condition of those around us that “compassion” will be awakened.    We will not minister if our eyes are on ourselves.

As we worked these past few weeks inviting children to our Vacation Bible Time, I saw many parents who were looking for fulfillment in life through the use of drugs or alcohol…   I saw many parents who thought that the answer to fulfillment in their children’s lives was a sports program or some camp somewhere… and there is nothing wrong with sports and camps… but the real answer for them is the Lord Jesus Christ.

These things don’t discourage me… I see all this as opportunities for God to do a wonderful work in their lives… and it is then that we notice that the Harvest really is plenteous!!

There is no time in history when the church was more effective than it was in the 1st century. The secret is very obvious and it is found in Acts 1:14…. it is in the phrase “One Accord”. It means literally “the same passion”. Can you imagine what ministry would take place if everyone had the “same passion”.

I am not talking about being “cookie cutter” Christians… I am talking about everyone using the gifts and talents that God entrusted them with for God’s Glory. That means that as a ministry… our passion is to be effective in serving Christ. That means working through problems, that means serving as a team, that means dealing with the short comings in our own lives.

We have a great privilege as NT Christians…. and this is a great time to be “salt & light” before an unsaved world. Let’s encourage each other in the Lord and stay in “One Accord”.